Joy of My Youth
Advent 1952. Twelve years old,
and I鈥檓 pedaling my bike over the rainswept
playgrounds and back streets of Levittown
four miles north to the World War Two
aircraft hangar, recently converted into
St. Bernard鈥檚 Catholic Church, with its black
doors, white clapboard sides, glass windows
and those old-fashioned altar railings.
Father stands with his biretta to my right
as I kneel there in my white alb and black
cassock and begin reciting from the ancient
psalm in Latin, back and forth with Father.
Intro铆bo ad alt谩re Dei, he intones.
I will go up to the altar of God. And I follow,
not understanding the depth of those words,
not then, but reciting them even so,
as others have for centuries before.
Ad Deum qui laetificat, juventutem
meum. To God, who gives joy to my youth.
Say it! Say it now at eighty-four,
as you did those years ago. Only clearer,
with more joy, words that keep the heart
young and ever-hopeful, even as you near
the end of your journey. And now,
even as you keep forgetting where you put
your keys or credit card or hearing aids,
remember this. Is it the end, or is it really
the beginning, as you half wobble to the altar,
where a priest, not even born back then, offers you
the Host, Christ鈥檚 Body, and you take Him
into yourself as He takes you into Himself, Ad Deum
qui laetificat. Yes, the joy of your youth. And now.
听
To my dear son, Fr. Paul, SJ
听
Paul Mariani
Boston College English Professor Emeritus
Professor Paul Mariani has published over 250 essays and 21 books, including biographies of William Carlos Williams, Berryman, Lowell, Hart Crane, Hopkins, and Wallace Stevens, nine volumes of poetry, and Thirty Days: on Retreat with the Exercises of St. Ignatius. His awards include fellowships from the Guggenheim, the National Endowment for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Humanities, the John Ciardi Award for Lifetime Achievement in Poetry, and the Flannery O鈥機onnor Award. From 2000鈥�2006 he served as Poetry Editor of America.